By Danny Maybin
I guess if I’d admit it, there are two questions that I really dread being asked. As the recipient of a fine Christian raising and a desire to be a good example to the young folks that I might influence, these two questions, invariably back me into a moral corner every time. “Where’d you catch it?“ and “What did you use for bait?”
For the most part, fishing techniques, general areas [entire lakes or rivers] and proven baits; Those, I’m willing to share with relish as I love to talk about fishing. It’s when someone in the conversation, either by innocence or design, asks one of these questions that I am most tempted to stray from the path of righteousness and lie like a cheap rug.
I am comforted by the fact that I am not alone in my struggle to fight the good fight. I know countless fishermen who are bastions of virtue and honest to a fault until they are confronted with one or both of these infernal queries. I’ve seen many a fine man sweat and squirm and then lie like their life depended on it. Some things are just beyond our ability to control and sadly, after years of struggle and guilt, we become callous and the lies flow as naturally as a mountain creek. This widespread moral struggle has moved me to start a support organization to help encourage and support my fellow anglers. It’s called LAA, [lying anglers anonymous]. I have gone to great extents, in both research and expense, to identify those of us who suffer. This is not an obvious condition to all so I have developed a formula to identify just how deep someone is mired in this unfortunate trap.
% = chance of lying
- If they look you in the eye and speak with great conviction. 100%
- If they suddenly remember something they forgot to do on the boat. 100%
- If they won’t look you in the eye and sound unsure. 100%
- If the preacher is there with you. 100%
- If they swear on their mothers life. 100%
- If they say they’ll take you there. 100%
I’m sure by now you’re beginning to realize the gravity of these folks’ predicament. No one sets out to be like this. It’s just an unfortunate aspect of an otherwise wonderful sport, which is why I have decided to kick off the newly formed L.A.A. inaugural meeting with an introductory years membership for only $999.99.
Just think of it. You can freely and safely admit all your inconsistencies in a group that understands why you can’t truthfully answer those questions and you just might pick up a few tips on fishing spots not privy to the general public.
As a fellow sufferer, I understand your pain and these days, what with the economy and such, I understand if you are reluctant to purchase the L.A.A annual membership. Just to let you know the depth of my concern for those afflicted, you don’t have to join but if you want a clear conscience and would like to finally tell the truth about your fishing spot or special bait, I’m listening!
Danny Maybin’s family has fished and hunted in the area of Lake Summit for at least six generations. He is a state firearms instructor, blacksmith, musician/luthier and his favorite, a fishin’, and hunting resort facilitator. He also does voice acting, copywriting, and short story humor.