In the Wake – January 2018

By Capt. Jim Kalvin:

As some readers already know (due to some of my waterway access efforts over the years), government interference in the business of marina operations and aquatic resource management has been the bane of my existence for some time. Now, I have to acknowledge that I’ve been told that I’m not supposed to talk politics in this column, and I really am doing my best to adhere to that directive. However, one particular time, I was actually grateful for the government “interference” in question.

It was “1990 sumpthin”, and I was in the business of taking care of OPB’s (Other People’s Boats). One of my functions was to make sure that the OPB’s were ready to be transported north in the spring. Then, I would be at the receiving end of the maneuver in the fall – taking them off of the truck, and making them ready for the upcoming season in time for the owners’ arrival in South Florida.

This was usually no big deal. After all, I didn’t need to “invent the wheel”, so to speak: bring the boat in to the marina, haul it, pressure clean the bottom, stow all of the loose gear, inventory all of the items aboard, and make sure that all of the “blowable” items were secured, and load it on the truck to take it to the desired
northern destination. In the fall – reverse the process.

Piece of cake – and not a bad day’s billable work. Then (and there is always a “then” from a government perspective when things have been running smoothly), agency staffers stepped in, and decided that any vessel travelling over Florida roads – with a beam (width) of over 12 feet – would not be allowed to travel over Florida roads. For all of the damage that these heavy vessels had perpetrated (document it if you can), the regulators were in motion to make sure that transporting such vessels in our State, over the road, would cease and desist at that very moment in time.

What that meant, immediately, was that I had to research (long before Al Gore had created the internet) locations immediately outside of Florida borders that could haul and load a boat onto a transport.

The closest destination that I could nail down was Dog River Marina in Alabama. They had similar facilities, and spoke the same language. They also seemed to know some of the same people that I did – as far as vessel transport companies go. Great! We immediately established a relationship!!

Now, my task was this – I had to take my client’s boat, make it ready for a 600 mile cruise, hire a mate, and move the vessel over water to Dog River Marina in Mobile. Then, I would fly back to southwest Florida, and ready the next one for the same trip asap.

This happened, first, during the spring “northern” migration. In the fall, I had to fly to Alabama to receive the vessels, then take them over water to Naples – then, fly back to Alabama to get the next one.

I loved it! I wanted to shake the regulator’s hand! Now, truth be told, some of the boats that I had to move were not what you would call the “queen of the fleet”. But most were really nice vessels, and I relished the opportunity to execute these maneuvers on my clients’ behalf.

I settled into a routine – two fuel stops, the second one on the way up being in Pensacola. From there, I would gauge the weather, and determine whether I would venture out around Cape San Blas, and take the Gulf route. Or… Whether I would have to go inland, and fight tug & barge traffic all the way to Dog River.

The best part of that scenario was that, regardless of whether or not I was going inland or Gulf-side, I was going to take fuel, and do an over-night at a place called the Duck Inn in Pensacola.

One trip, as I was backing a 490 Express cruiser into the assigned slip, big fat mallard ducks (by the dozens) were scattering from my prop wash. As a hunting enthusiast, I said to my mate, “when it gets dark, a couple of these ducks are going into the cooler!”

It was mid-March, and it was cold in the panhandle that evening. We secured the boat, cleaned-up from a two-day run, and went into the restaurant to warm up, and get some hot food. We went in to a setting that was out of a Hemmingway novel – with nets, floats, stuffed fish, original local artwork, and historic pictures hanging everywhere. Once seated, and checking out the specials, I was delighted to find that the salad bar featured fresh mallard duck stew!

My frozen joints rejoiced! For the first and only time in my life, I ordered the “salad bar only,” and feasted on fresh chunks of mallard duck, basted and mulled in an array of un-told spices and local know-how, mixed with pasta and fresh veggies. I ate until I couldn’t eat anymore!

This was standard fare for a year and a little bit – until some government muppet figured out that they had unknowingly foisted a rule on the masses that Jim Kalvin actually appreciated! Once that was realized, the “over road restriction” was lifted, and I started loading these vessels onto, and off of, the trucks in our marina in Naples once again.

So, in hindsight, though I do not welcome government interference in the daily goings-on in the marine industry, there was one time when I actually have to tip my hat to the agency staff. For all of their good-intentioned fumblings, they actually came up with one mis-guided rule that gave me something to smile about.

Captain Jim Kalvin is a Florida Native, a licensed 100 Ton U.S. Coast Guard Master, and a local Marine Contractor. He is available for private guide services aboard your vessel, vessel ops coaching, or vessel deliveries to all points on the Eastern Seaboard, the Bahamas, or the Gulf Coast. He can be reached at 239-2806054, or via email at james.kalvin61@gmail.com.